why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
