I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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