Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
