just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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