this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
