i don't like sucking hair
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
