Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize