it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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