if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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