I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
