how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
