There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
