dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize