He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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