No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
