The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
