I accidentally burped into my bong.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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