I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
