You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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