Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have tasted many bathrooms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
