Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
