i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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