he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
