I think my vagina is haunted
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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