You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
