I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
