dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
