Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
