we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
