I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
