Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
