i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
