Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize