Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
