I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
