Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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