My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
