Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
