You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
