He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
