so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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