Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i will never coherently bang her
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
