Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
