Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
