i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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