I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
