I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
