dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
