so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
