I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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