I wish i was in the wii world.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
