I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
