So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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