my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
