And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
