im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
