How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
