K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
