I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
