I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
