did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
