I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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