if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
