You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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