Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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