i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
