I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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