she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
