bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
