I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And then he peed in my hair
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