Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
