There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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