Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
