I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There r osticjed everywhere
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
