so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
