It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
