All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
