..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
