Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
