I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
