Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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