wakey wakey hands off snakey
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
