As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
