trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize