I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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