: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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