So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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