I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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