We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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