I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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