those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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