im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
