so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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