The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
