my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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