I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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