I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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