I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
