I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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