I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
