I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
