I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
