This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
