Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
